So I have a bit of time, and now I figure I'll put my thoughts down in writing.
These past few months have been extremely interesting to me, enough that I feel the need to record them in a text form.
My thoughts have been pretty scattered in the past, but they have since gained a bit of focus recently. I believe I can attribute that to starting back up at the gym again. I haven't been a member of a gym since 2003 and I hadn't "worked out" consistently since 2004. It feels great to be getting back into it. My mind feels a bit sharper, my energy level is up, and my temper is down. I'm sure that me deciding to commute by bike for most everything has helped as well. I'm really glad that my temper has been directly effected by me exercising more and just starting to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was getting sick of being mad all the time, and my friends were noticing it as well.
Speaking of friends...since one individual has not been around, our house has been much less stressful. I'm very happy that he's moving out, and no, it won't help keep our friendship, I'm happy to let it go. I can see the type of person he is, and I don't want a person like him in my life...ever. I guess that could also contribute to my temper being stifled. It seems that any time I was angry, it had to do with something he was doing or did. Always with the house guests, sometimes long term, without much warning. But whatever...the house is heading in a good direction now, it has been a place of relaxation and fun recently, and it seems like that is what it is always like when he's gone.
With that said, I'm surprised to find myself back in a relationship. One that was long overdue. It sucks that it took somewhat of a traumatic experience to make me realize how much I cared, but that's how it happened, and I'm happy things worked out. I have spent so many past months dwelling on my one past relationship that I destroyed, and finally cam e to terms. It' s good that everything happened like it did. I've had an amazing year that I would have missed out on had I still been involved. I'm not saying that she held me back, but I finally got to figure myself out; who I am , what I want. I love the person I am, not the person I've become. I didn't "become" anyone. This is who I always was, I was just scared to let it show. With that said, I have never been more comfortable in a relationship than I am right now. She's amazing, considerate, and I can see that she cares. It's quite a blissful feeling and finally for once, I'm not thinking, "well this won't last long, but I'll ride it out". I'm usually the biggest pessimist towards any relationship, but I'm not as of now. Things just fit.
In other news, my niece is a month old now. She's incredible and I can definitely say that the first time I held her on the day she was born changed me. It made me want to be a good person, lead a better life, and be there for her whenever she would need it. I think that is on of the factors that pushed me into the gym. Since joining, I have drank less, and felt much more healthy. I have never been so excited to see someone grow. I'm looking forward to being a big influence in her life. It makes me think of what I'm going to be like when I actually have my own child. It's one of those situations where I can't wait, but I can definitely wait.
I love looking back on past blogs that I wrote to see how much has changed. I read the blog about us all moving into the house and it was kind of funny. There has been such a role reversal since we all moved in. At least I'm not the asshole anymore. It's funny that the person that I was worried about being reliable enough has turned out to be the most reliable, and vice versa. I'm curious to see what plays out in the coming months. I just hope I can keep this level-headed attitude going on. I figure, as long as I keep biking everyday, going to the gym everyday, and enjoying the time spent with friends....I can't lose.
